Frustration Looms…

I am so frustrated with everything right now with work, my finances and finding a job.

As for work, I love my co-workers but the work has become so mind numbing that I just want to scream. And the micro managing has truly taken its toll. For the last year, we are now required to track every hour we spend on a deal like we’re lawyers billing hours (NOT). Even down to lunch. Ridiculous! It seems like I spend more time filling out stupid tracking sheets than I do working. Plus, the tracking is duplicated on multiple occasions which frustrates me even more. On top of that, my team leader told me not to make all my hours come out to 40 because the “managers that be” have a problem with that. I guess only working a regular workweek is not enough that I have to work more when my co-workers who do the same job as I do work the same hours and make $10-30k more than I do. Go figure. To tell you the truth, I work more than 40 hours but I just hate filling out the darn sheets that I just make it work out to 40 so I don’t have to think about it any more. Whatever!

My finances are driving me mad. With everything in limbo, it’s hard to set any concrete and realistic goals. I don’t know where I’ll be in the next month let alone the next year. I could be making more money, the same money or heck, even less money. So, it’s just blowing my mind right now because I am tired of feeling strapped and well…Broke! Sure I got myself into this position but I worked my butt of over the last 4 years to get myself out of this position.

Finding a job…where do I begin. Apparently some people (ok...one person) speculate that I don’t have the right pedigree because law firms haven’t hired me yet and others seem to be of the opinion that I am not committed enough because I didn’t quit my job while I was in law school to gain legal experience. Well, that is all well and good to be on the outside looking in, speculating and making assumptions but it simply is not the case.

I was on track to finish law school in 4.5 years as opposed to the standard 4 years for part-time students primarily because I was working over 40 hours and attending class 4 nights a week so I needed to spread it out a little. I had hoped that I would be able to apply for summer associate positions between my 4th and 5th year of school but a lot got in the way of my plans.

For one, I got sick during the spring semester of my second year of law school and needed to have surgery during the summer. Now with my employer I had good insurance, much better than the insurance that the school had to offer. With getting sick, I also needed my insurance even more. Sure I could have used cobra but it would have run out eventually. There was no guarantee that I would have a job, just a hope like everyone else that the law firms would grant you an offer. At least I have a job with good benefits now and if I ever got sick again, I would be able to seek good treatment.

Second, following the surgery during the summer, I had additional treatment during the fall semester which made me even more stressed out to the point of exhaustion and where my blood pressure was high for the first time in my life. I was worn out to the hilt. So I petitioned the dean of the school to allow me to take more hours during the semester so I could finish in 4 years. I felt like the sooner I was done with law school the better. My health and relationships were suffering.

Pedigree…well I believe I am of the best pedigree to succeed. You are talking about a woman who worked her butt off at work and in school. I graduated with almost a 3.2 GPA working full time where there are people who went full time that couldn’t even pull that off. To top it off, I passed the bar exam the first time with only 3 weeks away from work to study. I am way smart people and I am going to show all the haters out there one day what they passed up on. They are going to wish I was on their side when I achieve the best results consistently for my clients. Just you watch.

Pedigree my foot…you wish you had my brains, style, and skills. I just wish I had your job! LOL

*** Thanks for listening to my rant. =)