Confession…

I still haven’t paid off my car loan. I know…I know…the $12,000 is just sitting in my account and I need to go on and stop procrastinating and just pay the darn $9,000 off so I can free up $500 a month in cash flow. I still have this mental block saying…I am going to be broke. I have a fear…a big fear…of being broke! =(

My financial tailspin began my freshman year of college. I ran out of money…on the weekend nonetheless. So Mom and Dad couldn’t just deposit available funds into my account or drive 50 miles up the north shore to bring me some cash. I remember being embarrassed. A few of my friends had asked me to do out to dinner with them and I said sure. I thought I had money…Chitowngirl was never without money. I made up some lame excuse for why I couldn’t go with them and then called my Mom crying…which made her feel bad…like she was a bad Mom for not providing for me.

6 years later, I STILL feel bad and ashamed of this because my parents are wonderful and have ALWAYS provided for me. It was completely my fault that I ran out of money in the first place. I blew through it like it was nothing. I didn’t realize or mentally process that I was spending my parents’ hard earned money. I didn’t know the value of a dollar.

Soon after, I tried to get a credit card but was denied for lack of financial history. I didn’t try for the cheesy t-shirt cards. A few months later…not only did I get approved for a credit card, but I got pre-approved for a credit card with a limit of $11,000. What on earth would a 19/20 year old do with that kind of credit limit? All in all, I graduated with $4,000 in credit card debt.

6 years later… I am still learning. Except now, I am spending my hard earned money and realizing just how much I have to work to buy this or that. When I think about having to work two weeks just to buy something, it makes me not want it that bad. Right now I feel like I placed myself into a form of servitude…working to pay off my debt.

I wasn’t a rich kid. I come from a middle class family who worked hard to give their children the best opportunities in life. I just didn’t understand the value of a dollar. I DO NOW! =)