Friday, May 16, 2014

Enough...

The day after I had to go to the hospital with chest pains a couple weeks ago, I told Harlem that I was not ready to have him in my life as just my friend. I loved him and I was in love with him but he ended things and wasn't inclined to put in the efforts and work needed to have a relationship, i.e. stop breaking things off and running away. Plus, he just didn't display that he was truly ready to have a settled life, having been on his own and traveling the world for over 20 years. So, we left things telling each other I love you and I wished him a good 40th birthday trip. 

Well, a couple days later, Harlem called me by FaceTime around 3 o'clock in the morning in Spain and we talked like we usually do...just that automatic comfort and chemistry. I didn't know if he just felt bad or he was just lonely so we talked for a little over an hour and that was all. I hung up thinking, he has no idea how hard this is for me but I'll entertain it because he must be lonely on this trip by himself. 

A few days later, same thing and then we started texting and more FaceTime from Morocco and I'm even talking with him during work because of the time difference. So, if I said I can't be your friend and you're still calling, etc. then you must also really want more right?!?! No! 

On Friday, Harlem is asking me to send him a picture of me, the one in the bikini so I sent two and it's all "very sexy" and then comes Sat. I'm out enjoying a beautiful day in the park with my softball teammates. We'd just won and who sends me a message?!?!...Harlem. So we start communicating and I'm driving home and as I get near the house, I receive a message saying "I want you to know we are friends and I don't think of you sexually anymore"...random message when we were just casually chatting via text. 

Needless to say, 1) what woman who is in love with a man wants to ever hear that?!?!, 2) you just did think of me in that way and 3) you were just asking for bikini pictures and complimenting me the day before. So, what kind of games are you playing AND why do you insist on hurting me over and over again?!?! So, I sat in my car for a few minutes to see if there was a follow up text, a "Ha Ha" just kidding or something but that was all. So, I made a decision. Enough! Enough hurting me and enough of me giving him the power and opportunity to hurt me and drag me down. I really thought he was going to be different and better. I thought he was one of the "good guys".

So I Blocked everything so I wouldn't receive any more text messages, calls or FaceTime requests. You don't get to choose in life whether you get hurt. You do get to choose who hurts you. Harlem has hurt me so many times emotionally with his words and his selfish actions. Even if that was his truth, I just told him a week before I was not ready to be just friends so he should have honored my truth and not continue to contact me and monopolize my time. My heart is my heart and I still love the man and a part of me always will but for right now...Enough! 

I was telling my best friend about his messages and she said there would come a time when I would get tired of playing games and having someone take me for granted. I reached that point. I don't know if I'll ever understand all that's transpired over the last year and a half. I offered Harlem everything he said he wanted and needed and I had a lot of patience and I forgave a lot and I mean a lot. I loved him. I love him....But Enough!


3 comments:

Scooze said...

Aim higher - for someone who knows what he wants. And he wants you. No games, no guessing, no disrespectful attempts to get you in bed when he knows you want more. And no one so mean that they would look at you in a bikini and then say they're not attracted. Good riddance!

Chitown said...

Thanks Scooze!

Kay B said...

You go girl! It's so easy to let a person you love emotionally abuse you and that's exactly what he was doing. I came to realize my ex would call or text me whenever he was bored, needed attention, or was rejected from some other girl. I was the fall back plan and it took a long time to realize it. So glad you blocked him 100%. He's a selfish douch bag!
Also you did everything right and Harlem is the one with issues. You or no one else will ever be able to change him. Better for yourself to cut all ties and find happiness with a man who doesn't have mental problems.