Online Dating...

It's no secret that I've pretty much been on my own and virtually single since September...5 months. Family and friends have been asking me if I will ever go back and try online dating. I randomly signed up for Match.com in December 2012 and I met my match within a week so I entertained just a few calls and just went out on one date. Soon as I met my match, I immediately deactivated my account. So I don't really know all the pitfalls of online dating other than looks can be deceiving and it's a lot of work and a big distraction. The pictures I posted were accurate representations of what I look like on a daily. I always felt the need to treat others the way I'd want to be treated so I would respond to every message even to just say 'thanks but no thanks' and wish them well. 

I don't know if I'm ready to jump out there again just yet. My heart was completely vested in my last relationship and I was literally ready to walk down the isle. Real feelings don't change that fast so I want to give myself a little time to make sure I'm ready and able to give to another. Plus, I think I was secretly hoping that my match would show up for me in the way I needed. So the review that I'm leading will be over in about a month. Maybe once I tie up loose ends on this project, I'll have the time, focus and energy to put into dating again. Maybe by then, the soul tie will be broken. 

I've been doing a lot of reflecting and praying for answers as I try to understand the lessons I am to gain from my experiences so that my future is better and fruitful. There is a lesson in every challenging situation and I know I am and will be a better person for the experience and opportunity to love and be loved. What I'm really thankful about is that I didn't take a single moment, laugh, call, visit, morning text, etc. for granted. I really appreciated and took it all in and cherished everything. That's what I'm most happy about because when you forgive and forget the bad stuff, you have those really awesome moments to remember because you held such love and gratitude for them in the present moment. 

I learned a lot about myself in this last year. I learned about a few insecurities (mostly surrounding my health & finances) but I also learned just how strong, brave, forgiving and loving that I am. I am and will always be a work in progress. The only constant is change I can definitely say that I'm changing and evolving in a positive direction. I may stumble, fall from my path from time to time but I always get up and find my way and I keep pressing forward. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to be happily married and I want to have children. 

I don't know exactly how my future will unfold but I know it will exceed even my wildest imagination because God is awesome! Right now, I'm just focused on putting myself in the best position to win and still enjoy this life journey with a smile on my face.